Change is as good as a holiday, right?! Not always (like tricky back to school transitions)

Written by Tracey Farrell

With Term One school holidays fast approaching, it’s the perfect time to pause and reflect on how your child’s transition to kinder or school has been going. For many parents, the first few weeks of school can be a whirlwind of new routines, emotions, and sometimes, a little bit of stress. If your child finds change tricky, these past weeks might have felt extra full-on as you’ve navigated some of the biggest transitions they’ve experienced in heading off to kinder or school.

Knowing that holidays are just around the corner is often a much-needed relief, giving you both a chance to reset (and maybe enjoy an Easter Egg or three). You might be looking forward to a break from those morning struggles and the anxiety you’ve been navigating together. But then, there’s that nagging worry in the back of your mind: What if we’re right back to square one when Term 2 rolls around?
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Don’t worry – you’re not alone in feeling this way! Many parents face this same challenge. The good news is that there are ways to make the transition back to kinder and school a little easier for both you and your child. But before we dive into some helpful tips, let’s first take a look at why some children seem to struggle more than others when it comes to transitions.

Why Do Some Children Struggle More Than Others?
Transitions can be tough for anyone, but for some children, they can be particularly challenging. Kids who are highly sensitive, neurodivergent, or prone to anxiety may find changes in routine especially difficult. Children who are slow to warm up to new environments, or who’ve experienced trauma, adversity, and/or attachment disruptions, can also find these transitions especially overwhelming. This is because navigating new environments switches the stress system to high, with hypervigilance peaking as they attempt to make sense of what’s safe or not in their new world.

It’s important to remember that every child is unique, and while one might take to school life like a duck to water, another might need a little more time, support, and patience to adjust. It’s okay to acknowledge that some kids need a little extra help as they navigate the changes that come with school life. It’s easy to fall into the comparison trap or wish for something different however having compassion for yourself and your child is the only way through.

Now, let’s explore some practical strategies to help ease your child’s transition back to school after the holidays – so you can both feel more confident heading into Term 2.

Tips for Tackling the Tricky Back-to-School Transition

• Establish the Back-to-School Routine with Enough Time to Practice

One of the best ways to smooth the transition back to school is by re-establishing the routine quite a few days before school starts. Begin by getting your child back into their kinder or school day rhythm. You don’t have to jump straight into a full school day, but slowly bringing back morning routines, like waking up at the usual time, having breakfast, and getting dressed, can help. You know your child best so consider their individual needs – how many days of going to bed earlier, having less screen time or social commitments and getting up earlier is going to match their routine needs?

This individualised gradual re-entry gives your child time to adjust, and it will also reduce the anxiety of having to dive right back into a completely new schedule without any preparation. Plus, it lets them know that school is back on the horizon, but they’re not being thrown in headfirst!

• Do More of What Worked!

Every child has different things that help them feel safe and secure. Maybe it’s a comforting object from home, a special morning ritual, or a certain song that helps them start their day with a smile. Whatever worked before – or even in the first few days of school – keep doing it! The familiarity of those little routines and comforts can help reduce feelings of uncertainty or fear.

Whether it's a specific story you read together before school, a goodbye hug, or a snack that makes them feel better, these simple actions create the consistency that can counter uncertainty.
What helps deepen this experience, is talking explicitly about it with your child.

This takes routines into rituals, which is about honoring their needs, not just about a sequence of actions. Normalise the feelings they’re having and use these rituals to support them to work through them, talking about how filling their bucket helps with the hard feelings. Hard feelings are normal, and kids don’t need to be talked out of them, but rather they need to be resourced with the things that help them feel confident they can manage.

These rituals can also be used to reconnect at the end of their day. Often we as adults use pickups as our chance to duck into the supermarket on the way home or do other chores that need to be done. Where possible, separating these out provides your child with the space they need to reconnect and refill after a hard day of using their inner resources. Never underestimate the power of proximity (being close) where it might feel like you’re not doing much – this time together without demands might just be what your child needs.

• Get Others Involved

Transitioning back to school doesn’t have to be a solo effort! Getting other trusted adults (and even friends) involved can make a world of difference. If your child struggles with separation, having a familiar face greet them at the door or spend a little extra time with them at drop-off can really help.

But it’s not just about teachers and caregivers – the power of a supportive network can’t be underestimated! Encouraging older cousins, family members, or even a close family friend to get involved can also make the transition smoother. These family members can help celebrate the positives of school and remind your child about all the great things they’re experiencing and achieving.

Maybe they can ask your child about something that happened at school that was new or exciting, or even help them reflect on how they’re growing in their ability to handle the changes. Hearing from someone else who normalises that it’s not always easy for them can be incredibly validating, especially if this person is someone they look up to.

These things not only reinforces your child’s sense of accomplishment but also creates a positive community of support around them. Having a friend or cousin offer a high-five for a successful school day or talk about their own school experiences can help normalise the transition and make it feel less intimidating. The more people showing up, the easier it is for your child to feel confident and supported.

• Pass on the Attachment Baton

For many children, the start of a school term can stir up separation anxiety. They may feel comforted by your presence knowing that you see, hear and understand them just so, and when it's time to say goodbye in the mornings, they might struggle. It’s important to be patient and consistent, but also to encourage them to build connections with trusted teachers and school staff.

Generally this starts with you demonstrating your trust in the adults caring for your child. Where possible, speak highly of the educators and find ways to infuse personal knowledge about them that shows you know them and like them. Obviously this is best if you have a connection with those adults, so try and build those relationships as soon as possible.

If your child tends to cling to you at drop-off, try to gently pass that attachment baton – that sense of care, connection and curiosity you have about your child – over to a teacher or caregiver. Let them know that they can lean on their teachers for comfort during those initial moments of separation. This can give both you and your child a sense of security, knowing they’ll have someone looking out for them, even when you're not around.

• Consider Professional Help

If your child’s difficulty adjusting seems to be causing ongoing distress, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional support. Sometimes, having a professional to work through emotions or behaviours can provide your child with tools to better meet their needs. This supports you as a parent by giving you strategies to better understand and support your child's needs.
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Transitions can be tough, but with a little time, patience, and a few helpful strategies, you can make the return to school a smoother experience for both you and your child. Just remember, it’s okay if things don’t go perfectly. Every child adjusts at their own pace, and it’s completely normal to face some bumps along the way.

As you head into the holidays, take a deep breath and enjoy the downtime (if you get some). When Term 2 rolls around, you’ll hopefully feeling ready to tackle whatever comes next.

Wishing you and your little one a restful break and a smooth transition back to school!
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