“They’re just doing it for attention.”

It’s a phrase that cuts straight to the heart - and often, misses it entirely.

Over the decades, the word attention has somehow picked up a negative charge. What was once recognised as a basic human need - to be seen, heard, and held in someone else’s mind - was reframed, particularly in the mid-20th century, through a behaviorist lens. Figures like B.F. Skinner promoted the idea that behaviour is shaped solely by reinforcement and consequence. As a result, attention-seeking behaviours began to be viewed as manipulative - a nuisance to correct, rather than a signal to respond to.

But what if we’ve been looking at it all wrong?

What if “attention-seeking” is actually a human being’s way of saying:
“Connect with me.”
“Understand me.”
“Protect me.”

And what if instead of labelling behaviours as challenging, we reframed them as behaviours that challenge me - an invitation to reflect on our own internal responses, biases, and capacity to hold space for someone in distress?
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Because when someone acts out, clings tightly, withdraws, lashes out, self-harms, or even expresses suicidal thoughts, they aren’t asking for punishment or rejection. They’re asking to be met in their vulnerability.

Written by Tracey Farrell

Written by Tracey Farrell